Yesterday, after a routine weekly wash, I removed my red-and-white striped boxer shorts from the clothes dryer. To my horror, I found that the fabric had split wide open. It literally came apart at the seams, turning my boxer shorts into something resembling an Indian's breechcloth.
For years, I have relied upon this product. I thought it was a premium product. But it seems I was too trusting. Had I ventured outside wearing nothing but this defective, falling-to-pieces undergarment... I don't like to think of the consequences.
Shaken to the core by this outrage, I tossed and turned in my bed for hours. Eventually, I fell into a light doze. Halfway between consciousness and slumber, I imagined, or perhaps dreamed, I was walking down New Malden High Street. Glancing down, I noticed I wore nothing but shredded, red-and-white striped undershorts. They flapped freely around my waist as I struggled to conceal my near-nakedness. But with flanks exposed and modesty shattered, there was no place to hide.
Of course it was only a dream, a horrid dream. But I cannot have this sort of thing going on in my life. I shall insist on a full refund.
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