Free Yulia Tymoshenko for Christmas!

This Christmas, I fervently hope to see Yulia Tymoshenko, the former Prime Minister of Ukraine, freed from prison. 

This could happen. The current government is looking wobbly, after using riot police to disperse protestors. This administration cannot be regarded as legitimate by western nations when the current Prime Minister deals with political opponents by tossing them into prison on what appear to be trumped-up charges.

George Bush (left) and Yulia Tymoshenko (right)

I am no expert in the Ukrainian justice system or the fine details of her case. But even if she did make a questionable gas deal for Ukraine, or was corrupt, surely that would be more appropriately punished by impeachment or civil penalties. It doesn't sound like a criminal offense punishable by imprisonment. 

But I suppose that's Ukrainian politics. During one of her campaigns, her opponents handed out leaflets claiming that she had Jewish blood, with blaring headlines: "Don't vote for a Jew."  She responded by saying she was not a Jew. What a country. 

To summarize my case, Tymoshenko should be released because:

1. Christmas is the season of peace, forgiveness, and good will towards men (and women).
2. The Economist magazine has taken the same position.
3. She courageously carries on issuing news releases from prison.
4. She wears blond braids on top of her head, like the prison camp secretary in Hogan's Heroes.
5. She’s brilliant.
6. She’s hot.

Ha! Ha! Just joking on those last few points, but they're true nonetheless. The Hon. Ms. Tymoshenko has her own website, in English: http://www.tymoshenko.ua/en/.

Sonny's Castle Dangerous

Red-and-White Striped Boxer Shorts

I must register a complaint regarding Jos. A. Bank's 100% Combed Cotton Men’s Underwear (Pre-Shrunk). This garment has proven to be shockingly unreliable.

Yesterday, after a routine weekly wash, I removed my red-and-white striped boxer shorts from the clothes dryer. To my horror, I found that the fabric had split wide open. It literally came apart at the seams, turning my boxer shorts into something resembling an Indian's breechcloth.

For years, I have relied upon this product. I thought it was a premium product. But it seems I was too trusting. Had I ventured outside wearing nothing but this defective, falling-to-pieces undergarment... I don't like to think of the consequences.

Shaken to the core by this outrage, I tossed and turned in my bed for hours. Eventually, I fell into a light doze. Halfway between consciousness and slumber, I imagined, or perhaps dreamed, I was walking down New Malden High Street. Glancing down, I noticed I wore nothing but shredded,  red-and-white striped undershorts. They flapped freely around my waist as I struggled to conceal my near-nakedness. But with flanks exposed and modesty shattered, there was no place to hide. 

Of course it was only a dream, a horrid dream. But I cannot have this sort of thing going on in my life. I shall insist on a full refund.

Anti-Semitism in Grimm's Fairy Tales

Lisbeth Zwerger’s new collection of tales from the Brothers Grimm draws children into "nostalgic fairy tale worlds,”  according to Maria Tatar’s review in The New York Times Book Review  (“Beauties and Beasts,” Nov. 10). I wonder whether Zwerger’s selection includes The Jew Among Thorns, which I found in another Grimm collection recently.

Therein, a “good, honest servant” uses a magic violin to force “a Jew with a long goat’s beard” to dance in a thicket of thorn bushes. The thorns tear the Jew's clothes off and prick him all over his body. The Jew protests that he does not want to continue this dance. But the servant continues his relentless magic fiddling, explaining: “You have fleeced people often enough, now the thorn bushes shall do the same to you.” At the story’s end, a judge orders the Jew to be taken to the gallows and hanged. 

The Grimms also cast a Jew as the villain in another tale: The Good Bargain. 

In fairness, it must be said that Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm were collectors of German folklore, not the authors. They published their first collection in 1812. Perhaps it is no fault of theirs that such gross anti-Semitism appeared in German folk tales 200 years ago. But its very presence in those stories is an indication of how deeply anti-Jewish feeling must have permeated German society, at least in the 18th and 19th centuries. Parents beware: such virulent prejudice has no place in any child’s library. Skeptical? You can read both stories by following the link below. 

This was originally intended to be a letter to the editor of The New York Times Book Review. I never submitted it for publication, fearing negative consequences if it was discovered in a background check.  

Link: 
Grimms' Fairy Tales: . http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~spok/grimmtmp/.