Thanksgiving Risk Management

Thanksgiving is a time for happiness, and family, and togetherness. On this day we set aside our differences and share the blessings of good food and good fellowship, like the pilgrims in days of yore. 

But let us not forget the importance of risk management. Sober, prudent risk management. 

I require all my guests to wear steel-toed safety boots when they come to my house on Thanksgiving. Foot protection is essential. If an 18-pound turkey fell on someone's foot, the toe damage could be devastating. 

Furthermore, all guests are asked to sign an indemnification and hold-harmless agreement absolving me of all responsibility for anything that may happen on our property, including pain, suffering, mental anguish and the loss of the capacity for the enjoyment of life if something goes horribly wrong during Thanksgiving celebrations.

Some will say that I worry needlessly about worst-case scenarios. But my fears have their roots in something that happened long ago. I have never quite gotten over an incident which occurred when we invited the next-door neighbors to our house for Thanksgiving dinner. We all gathered around the beautifully set dining room table. Steaming heaps of food were placed before us and our new puppy frolicked on the floor, hoping for scraps.

As the turkey was brought triumphantly in, the little girl who lives next door announced that the puppy had "done a stinky." Translation: the dog had taken a dump under the dining room table. Now we had another steaming heap to deal with, a pungent pile contrasting horribly with the sumptuous harvest of nature's bounty on the table above. 

I had to get down on my hands and knees in front of everyone and clean it up while our guests held their feet out of harm's way. I tried to joke my way through it, chuckling wryly, but it was no use. The mood in the room had soured, and it stayed sour for the rest of the evening. 

Happy Thanksgiving.